The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check your cell phone the next morning and be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, and moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, “I only want to be your friend”, one day, then listened to him say that he loves and misses you, and the next when he doesn’t want to be anything at all. Here’s to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change.
We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, got crap from our parents, and even snuck around to see him even for a while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, and ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us.
Here’s to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here’s for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn’t possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to SETTLE for someone who didn’t treat us the way we should be treated.
Here’s for the ones who did their hair and make up and put on their prettiest everything, only to hear him say that he couldn’t see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn’t believe that he could do this to us again. This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, and took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn’t bear to look back on their lives one day and wonder “what if”.
This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, and cried during the entire conversation. The ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us. When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn’t mean it. This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with. This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, and get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that “You’re just not the one for me.” or maybe, “things were going too fast, I’m just not ready.” (Then later on find out he has a damn girlfriend already.)
Here’s to the girls who couldn’t cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn’t bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an “I told you so.” The ones that could just TELL that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, their beds, and their dreams again. We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us when ever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that. Here’s for the ones that FINALLY realized that he never gave one thought about them. Here’s for the time that he took to waste, breaking your heart … again.
This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here’s for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better. This is for those confusing days, when you miss him,and want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass,sometimes it’s better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt all over again.
Remember the times you cried, and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. When your song comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don’t answer the door.
Think of all the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the HELL he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night. Think of how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn’t him, and realized that once again, he hadn’t called when he said he was going to. Think of how you excitedly enter the train station just so you can go to the place you were about to meet in time only to find out that he’ll be late for an hour or so. Think of how you spend the day looking for a perfect gift that he would really love only to hear him say “The gift was okay but you could have given me something better”. Think of how many days you skipped your lunch breaks just so you could give him the gift he wants for his birthday or for Christmas only to hear him say I’m sorry babe, I enjoyed doing this and that for 8 straight hours with the boys. I’m broke. Can I just give a kiss? Think of the time you spent thinking what you can do to make him happy only to find out he is busy spending his time thinking of strategies he should do beat his effin’ computer playmates. Think of how he stole your youth and how he made you feel that you are his possession. Think of the long hours you dolled yourself up only to catch him look at other girls.
Think of how he called you selfish, spoiled brat and self-centered after all the things you’ve done, after all the sacrifices.
He might never feel your pain. He might never see the tears behind your nags. He might never notice the long hours you spent to make him happy. He might never notice a loving girlfriend behind that jealous girl you are. He might never see how beautiful and incomparable you are. He might never see your efforts. He might never feel how your stomach will ache after long hours of not having a meal because you want to give him something he’ll appreciate. He might never see the smile behind your cruel complains. He might never see the sweet girlfriend behind your stressful words. He might never see the proud girlfriend behind your loud mouth. He might never see these things. He might never see these things he abandoned with just a single text message, with just a simple “I quit. I’m tired. Goodbye. I love you”. If that is love then all people might as well leave each other and live alone. Goodbye but I love you? Does it make sense?
One day, you’ll find a guy who will worth all the tears, but he won’t make you cry. You may think that you’ll never care about someone like you did to that guy that you always run back to, but you will. You may think you’ll never going to find a guy who will challenge you the way he did, but you will, and the only difference is he’ll challenge you to bring the loving girl back. Someday you’ll find your own hero. He may not be as good-looking as the guy you always run back to but he will surely show you how beautiful of a person he can be to a beautiful person you are. Someday you’ll meet someone who will save you from that SAME GUY. Someday that SAME GUY’S kisses (even if it was your first) will just be plain kisses, no feelings, no love. Someday you’ll meet a guy who will make things right and will give you the signal that the life as you know it ends. Someday God will give you the guy who will not only compensate your efforts but will make you feel you your efforts are enough and that you deserve more. Someday a guy who will understand your pain will come. Someday you’ll see how wonderful you are. Someday you’ll realize that the guy you always run back to is nothing but plain illusions of your young heart. That SAME GUY might be your first but what’s important is the man who will be with you all throughout and at the END, and the man who will be your prince charming in your own fairy tale. YEAH, It’s going to hurt like hell, and it will take sometime to heal, but the point is, IT WILL HEAL. Yes, it will heal.
J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, Chapter 24 (via julie911)